提到法庭，不自觉会脑补出这样的画风：庄重、严肃，充满紧张感。

亦或是下图中律师侃侃而谈的样子

但在实际情况中，法庭上常常会出现一些啼笑皆非的片段，下面我们就一起来看看外国法庭中那些爆笑实录。

以下内容来自于一本叫做《Disorder in the American Courts》（《美国法庭闹剧》）的书，所有内容都是真实发生在美国法庭上的对话，逐字逐句由强忍笑意控制自己保持镇静的法庭书录员记录下来的。 

场景一

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

律师：你早上听到你丈夫说的第一句话是什么？

WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

证人：他说‘我在哪，cathy?’

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

律师：这有什么让你沮丧的吗？

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

证人：我的名字是susan!

场景二

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

律师：你第一次婚姻是怎么结束的？

WITNESS: By death.

证人：因为死亡。 

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

律师：是因为谁的死亡而结束的？

 WITNESS: Take a guess.

证人：你觉得呢？

场景三

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

律师：医生，你有多少次解剖是在死人身上进行的？

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

证人：所有都是，活人一般都忍不了。

场景四

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

律师：你还记得你检查尸体的时间吗？

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

证人：解剖是晚上八点半开始的。

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

律师：所以邓盾先生那时候已经死了？

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

证人：如果没有，尸体解剖之后他肯定死了……

场景五

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

律师：碰撞发生时,你的车子在几档?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

证人：我穿着GUCCI套衫，锐步鞋。

引申：Gear有多种含义，一是汽车排档的档位，二是身上为特定目的而穿的装备、衣物。这里attorney问的是“撞车的时候你在什么档位”，证人理解成“撞车的时候你穿戴如何”，于是回答“我穿Gucci汗衫和锐步鞋”。

场景六

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

律师：这个重症肌无力影响你的记忆力吗？ 

WITNESS: Yes.

证人：影响。

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

律师：那么它是以什么方式影响你的记忆力的呢？

WITNESS: I forget.

证人：我忘了

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

律师：你忘了？你能给我们一个例子说说你忘了什么事儿吗…… 

场景七

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

律师：她有三个孩子，对吗？

WITNESS: Yes.

证人：是的

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

律师：几个男孩？

WITNESS: None.

证人：没有男孩

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

律师：那有女孩吗？

W ITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

证人：尊敬的法官，我想我需要另外一个律师，可以换一个新的给我吗？

场景八

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

律师：你能描述那人的特征吗？ 

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

证人：他中等个头，留着胡子。

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

律师：那他是男是女？

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

证人：除非镇上有马戏团表演，否则我猜是男的。（有胡子当然是男的！） 

场景九

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

律师：你所有的答复必须都是口头的，明白了？你念的哪一所学校？

WITNESS: Oral.

证人：口头的

场景十

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

律师：医生，你在解剖前，检查脉搏了吗？

WITNESS: No.

证人：没有

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

律师：你检查血压了吗？

WITNESS: No.

证人：没有

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

律师：你检查呼吸了吗？

WITNESS: No.

证人：没有

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

律师：那么这就是说，当你开始进行解剖的时候，病人有可能还活着？

WITNESS: No.

证人：不可能

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

律师：你怎么能这么肯定呢，医生？

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

证人：因为当时他的大脑在我操作台的罐子里装着。

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

律师：我明白了，但不管怎样，有没有可能当时病人还活着呢？

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.